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The Quiffster wrote:

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Ah... lucky sod! Give him a poke in the eye from me.

Careful now Quiffy.

I reckon you'll be the proud owner of that Mantis one day.

Y'see, I tried to sit in it a couple of months ago, and spotted a fundamental flaw. Owing to Jay's slightly peturbing inability to distinguish between inches and millimetres, he's installed the pedal box about a foot in front of the seat. As a result, I couldn't actually get my legs in, due to the wheel/seat/pedals set-up. The only people realistically able to drive the thing would be those of a.... ummm..... ....... shorter stature.

Now, Jay is about seven foot six, or thereabouts, and I watched in astonishment as he folded himself up and sat in the driver's seat. But then I remembered - a few years ago he had his spine removed, and he now keeps it in a jar next to his bed. I've forgotten the precise details, but that sounds about right. Anyway, the only reason he is able to walk upright is that he has his shirts washed in starch, and then puts a broom handle down the back of them. If you look carefully, just above his arse you'll even see the bristles. At first glance, it just looks like he needs to shave his back, but not so. Anyway, where was I?

Ah yes.

Now, the problem is that in order to drive the car, Jay has to remove the broomstick and take his starched shirt off. Which means that upon reaching his destination, when he gets out of the car he falls in a wobbly heap on the floor, and can't move. He just sort of lays there, wobbling like a jelly, half naked, looking like a giant aneamic ginger slug. Once, some boys came out of their house and poured salt on him. It's a very confusing, not to mention disconcerting, sight.

So, I would imagine Jay will eventually tire of this performance, and put the car up for sale. And there's not many people who are sma....... errrrr........ who would be of the right build to find a comfortable driving position.

What are you doing on here?

I assumed you'd be parked at the side of the road just south of Calais on the approach to a roundabout, fruitlessly trying to start the Mantis, all the while weeping gently into an oily rag.

And no, you won't be seeing me this weekend.

But I am back in the UK for a few days early July if you're free for a beer.

As for finding a new car - I thought I had, but the bloke building it nailed the steering wheel to the wrong side of the dash.